


47% virgin

by PoisonJack



Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: General au, M/M, Rhys is Handsome Jack's Personal Assistant, jack's flirting definitely needs some work, jack's ready to smash ahahah, theorhetical discussions on virginity ahahaha, you're lucky you're cute and it worked out rhys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-19 17:09:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17005719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoisonJack/pseuds/PoisonJack
Summary: Rhys decides he needs a change of wardrobe to match his position as Handsome Jack's personal assistant. The sticker for the fabric gets stuck on his ass, leaving jack to ponder what the hell it means to be only 47% virgin. HAHAFrom a prompt on tumblr:Prompt time!! //w// this was from the Ridiculous Sentence Prompts post earlier--! would love to see “The skirt is short on purpose.” and “Please put me down it’s just a sprained ankle" with rhack! :')





	47% virgin

**Author's Note:**

> Jack, you're being purposely obtuse and we know it.

Rhys was looking at himself in the mirror of the clothing store, admiring the cut of the skirt he’d found. His legs were to die for and definitely one of his best assets, he knew, but he couldn’t just go showing them off with any old thing. He wanted something pretty that looked expensive while also classy. Not an easy mix to pull off, but he thought this did it.  


Vaughn came up behind him with two scarves in his hands. “What do you think, bro? Blue or silver?”

“By itself or with something else?” Rhys asked as he turned in the mirror, the price sticker and info bending at his hip as he admired himself.  


“Maybe with that pinstripe jacket I have with the long– _wow_.”

Rhys looked up, catching Vaughn’s eye. “Hm?”

“You look really tall. Like really _extra_ tall.” Rhys grinned as Vaughn took in his appearance. “Are you wearing it right? I think you need a size up,” the shorter man poked fun at the mini skirt. “Are you sure that doesn’t go around your neck?”  


“The skirt is short on purpose.” 

“You’ll catch a cold.”

“You’re just jealous you don’t have legs like _these_.” Rhys struck a pose, and Vaughn just laughed.  


“Nope, but I’ve got these sweet guns.” Vaughn flexed his arms, each hand holding a scarf as he pretended to kiss each bicep. Rhys laughed.  


“Okay whatever. Anyways, what do you think? It’s classy, right?” It was gold, slightly shimmery and soft, with intricate lacework on the front that tapered a bit longer to the back. There was no way he could properly bend in it without showing off everything and leaving nothing to the imagination.

It was _perfect_.  


“Is this for the club opening we’re going to with Yvette?”

“No, for work.”

Vaughn laughed at first, but when Rhys didn’t join in he raised a brow. “Just _what_ does Jack have you doing for him these days?”

“Oh shut up,” Rhys said with a smile and pink cheeks, regardless of how he might prefer the contrary. “Jack’s secretary is really fancy– you’ve seen her. With the blue hair? And anyways someone in advertising made a comment about how ‘the personal assistant looked like they belonged in the mail room’. Right in front of me. Like he was literally standing in front of me.”  


“What? No.”

“Jack airlocked him after that but he had a point. I should be dressing for the job, right? And I mean okay that shirt did have a _slight_ coffee stain I thought I could hide under the tie, but still. I need to step up my game.”

“I guess…yeah… How much is that handkerchief anyways?” Vaughn asked as he took the price-tag next to the sticker. He whistled as he read it.  


“I can afford it.”

“You could buy an entire _outfit_ for this price.” Rhys just snorted. “Well, it does say forty-seven percent virgin silk from Hestia…. That would explain the price tag.”

“And it’s by Sophrosyne. It’s elegant, right?”

“Okay. I say get it. Now, which scarf? Blue or silver?”

–

Rhys was moving around some of the clutter Jack liked to leave around the office, wishing the man would at least keep it localized to his own area. The way it was spread about, anyone looking would assume that the assistant– not the CEO- was a total mess.  


At least he looked sharp in his new and crazy expensive skirt, skintight leggings and fresh white shirt to compliment it.  


Jack had commented on the skirt when he’d come in that morning, saying he appreciated the company colors of the honeycombed leggings and _damn_ could Rhys wear a skirt, and were his legs always that impossibly long? The younger man had smirked, pleased he’d caught the attention, and Jack had gone back to whatever he was doing, and Rhys caught up with things requiring his attention.  


He noticed Jack had been watching him for some time pensively, but the older man didn’t say anything. It wasn’t like he wanted something, or like he was trying to unsettle the younger man. More like he was trying to figure something out. Rhys ignored it as one of the CEO’s many quirks and just went about his duties until Jack finally spoke up about an hour later.

“Okay pumpkin, I’ve been thinking about this all morning and I can’t figure it out.”

“Huh?” Rhys looked at the older man, Jack’s fingers steepled below his chin, brow creased in curious thought.  


“So I kind of get how someone could be half, or even three-quarters, or whatever, but how can someone be forty-seven percent virgin?”

Rhys gave him a perplexed look. Of all the questions Jack had ever proposed to him, this wasn’t even the weirdest; to top it off, Jack seemed genuinely curious. “Forty-seven?” Rhys repeated back, wondering if this was a weird joke or something. Jack just nodded, watching him intently like he was honestly interested in the answer, so Rhys did his best to try and surmise what that could be.

“Well, I guess like, if you were getting into it, but stopped halfway, that would be like fifty, right?” Rhys answered honestly, giving the question serious consideration since Jack had posed it as such. “Or maybe doing it but neither finishing? So maybe like just the tip to see or maybe it’s like you were into it but the other person was kind of like not, or–”

“So wait in your case…?”

Rhys looked up from his pondering with confusion. “In _my_ case?”

“Yeah, what happened with you?”

They looked at one another a few moments before Rhys gave him a perturbed look. “What the hell are you even talking about?”

“Your label?”

“What label?”

“On your butt, princess.”  


At Jack’s words, the younger man turned about himself, and he found the sticker from the store, the one advertising that the skirt was “forty-seven percent virgin Hestia silk”. He’d torn that off at home when he was getting dressed this morning. It had come off in two pieces. He must have accidentally sat on it or something when he was pulling on his leggings.

“Pretty bold to advertise that, kitten, but I won’t judge. I like the new, fierce Rhysie. I’m down to bring it to zero though,” Jack invited with a smirk. “If you’re looking, that is.”  


Rhys’ face was scarlet as he hid his face in his palm. Vaughn would never let him live this down. Jack would probably bring it up every day for the rest of his life. The ridiculousness of the situation hit him head on, and he felt suddenly less cool than he had when he’d walked in that morning.  


Rhys tore the label from his skirt and crumpled it in his hand as Jack watched him curiously. “That….was a forty-seven percent virgin silk tag from the material’s description…” Rhys told him, mortified. Jack was already up from his seat with chuckles, telling the younger man to look at him with an utterly amused grin. Rhys wouldn’t pry his hand from his face, grunting defiantly, “I’m not a virgin, dammit. Forty-seven percent or otherwise.”

“That’s a relief,” Jack told him with a laugh and smirk. “So, what are you doing after work, kitten?”

Rhys snorted in amusement behind his hands, looking out at the CEO. “Really?” Jack just raised a brow at him with an amused but non-teasing smile. Rhys felt his face heating, but excitement in his gut as the open invitation seemed genuine. “Well, there’s this new club opening tonight…”  


**Author's Note:**

> Well hey rhysie, it all worked out in your favor, yeah? Talk about getting the boss's eye. Hehehe
> 
> [my tumblr](http://purge-that-urge-rhackathon.tumblr.com/) | [my fic masterlist archive](http://purge-that-urge-rhackathon.tumblr.com/post/134979026515/poisonjack-ao3-fic-archive) | [my twitter](https://twitter.com/PurgeThatUrge) | [my pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.io/PoisonJack)  
> (Just an FYI: you'll need to be logged in to tumblr for my blog to show up since it's marked explicit :D)
> 
> Please leave kudos and a comment if you enjoyed! ao3 FAQ: [Can I post comments anonymously, or if I don't have an Archive account? ](https://archiveofourown.org/faq/comments-and-kudos?language_id=en#anoncomment)


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